Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
