i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
