u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
