if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
