Tell her she can't have a vagina
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
