You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
