I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Are we still banned from the library?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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