this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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