Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize