ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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