mondays should just be called national damage control day
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
