I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
