omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Just high enough for therapy.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
