her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
