If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
The uberlube is also flammable
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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