even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
