literally had 100 drinks last night.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
