Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
