Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
