oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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