she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
