Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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