If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
