Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I don't deserve a penis
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
