Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
