just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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