Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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