last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
