it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
