I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
