It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
