im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Randomize
