we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
