how can u be prego again
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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