So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
