I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
