I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
