Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
