haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You dont lie about slip and slides
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Please don't give away my fajitas
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
