I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
