at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
try to milk me bitch
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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