is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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