peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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