my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
