So drunk its hurt
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
