need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Randomize
