Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
