So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Randomize
