I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
