i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
