it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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