Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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