It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
