I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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