He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
