I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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