Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Randomize
