meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Randomize