i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
