Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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