It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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