they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize