youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
