Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
