i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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