if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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