People in love make me want to vomit
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
