Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
