I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
